stargleamdaydream

I’ve watched them completely transform. This has been such a satisfying experience, more than being on stage myself. The fact that I was able to help someone feel the same way I do when I’m performing is so incredible. This group has become my heart and soul, and through the stress and the yelling and a few bumps along the way, the love and respect I have for each and everyone of them cannot be measured. I sit in class and can’t focus on anything but how proud and happy they have made me. They bring me to tears time and time again and I thank them  for helping me to keep the faith in what I do and to know this is what I truly love and belong doing. It was such an honor to work with such a talented and energetic cast, you’re all“lovely, absolutely lovely” , so have fun, show the audience a “comedy tonight” and Break-A-Leg!

i’m not into the whole resolution thing… this is just how my life is going to be from now on… healthy… happy and on track… new dreams and goals… i will in time accomplish… i wait for no one … follow no one … this year is about getting my life completely back together and for me to be happy… don’t get in my way … don’t tell me i cant .. because i know that i can… i don’t have to share my outlook or goals with anyone… they are for me to know and for people to find out when i achieve them… 2012 better get ready for me … i’m a bitch.. a fighter… persistent and determined <3 

it’s not fair how this feels… but for some damn reason this time I can’t and wont let go …..

It’s my happy ending, now its time to say goodnight.
We can stop pretending, tell the spotlight man turn off my light.
Cause the show is done now, and its time to leave the stage. Yea
The good guy won now and the band has no more songs to play.
Its a happy ending so Ill say.
Goodbye, goodbye to all the make believe.
Goodbye theres no more magic up my sleeve.
Theres nothing left to act up here, ill take my bow and disappear.
No questions left for answering.
Theres only one word left to sing, goodbye.
It’s a happy ending, to the greatest show on earth.
Now the curtains descending and I hope you got your moneys worth.
Gonna stop the show now cause I wanna leave on top.
So get up and go now. Cause theres nothing left inside my head.
Everything thats left to say has been said
Goodbye, goodbye to all the song and dance.
Goodbye off stage I stand a better chance.
The show is through the parts been played.
No standing in the wings afraid. No voilins or phony tears.
The word thats music to my ears is goodbye.
Well goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
I’m not afraid of stopping, this end could be my start.
I wanna live a life and not just play a part.
I’ll walk into the sunset, I’ll sail across the sea,
the final word the last youll hear of me, of me…
Is goodbye, goodbye to every night alone.
Goodbye, goodbye to lives I dont own. Im tired of living on the stage.
A life thats only on the page.
Empty lies are in the past, I’ve tried before but here’s the last goodbye.
Now goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

Today started the 1 year mark to the hardest thing I’ve ever faced. Still feel like it hasn’t completely ended, but I’m here I’m happy and thats all there is to it. I’m a stronger person for it and I won’t put up with bullshit. Life is to short to be stomped on and pushed down. Do what you love and what makes you happy and don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t, push through and prove that you can. <3 

I don’t need bullshit in my life. I know who is worth keeping in my life and I’m learning who don’t deserve to even know who I am. Yes I can be a bitch, but I’m honest, loyal, and still one of the best friends you could ever have. Not out to screw anyone over like so many people in my life are. The new year is coming and I think it’s time to clear out. I’m mentally stronger and more stubborn than I’ve ever been. I refuse to back down. I want what I want and will push my way through life to get it.  <3 

i hate being home and i hate being around you… my entire life you have been there to knock me down… nothing i ever do or say is right..telling me im a waste … failure, idiot or any other hurtful things..youre supposed to be there for me to look up to .. youre supposed to guide me and help me ….yet youre the one that drove me to LA..to want to be so damn far and i wish i didnt get sick just so i could still be there … there was one time in your life when i thought you had a heart … and thats when you almost lost me … but once i was back on my feet.. you returned to being the same selfish, disrespectful, jackass you always were… get over yourself… stand up be a real man and do something with your life… because once im out ..im out .. you wont have me to knock down… you wont have me at all … dont doubt me when i say i will cut you out …only reason you are still a part of my life is because i have no choice … once i walk out that door for good .. thats it dont expect me to turn around and welcome you with open arms… i dont care if we are related … because you dont treat me as if we are family .. you treat me as if im some idiot lowlife off the street … well fuck you … im so sick of your attitude and your outlook.. you act like everything should be handed to you on a silver platter when you should be thankful if you were allowed to lick the crumbs up off the floor … you deserve nothing you get … i dont understand how i work my ass off … do what im supposed to.. and try my best to be good to people .. and you sit there do nothing and treat everyone like absolute trash .. yet im the one that gets some issue thrown at her everyday and you fucking fly through life… i dont wish anything ive gone through upon you or anyone else.. but i wish just for a second you could see and understand what i go through and how your attitude just makes it worse.. grow up because im so over being scared of you … and im so over caring about you